Christmas Eve tomorrow and I still can’t quite believe it. My poor brain is still three weeks behind itself, like all of my internal clocks stopped when the flu fever hit and only started again two weeks ago, without having been wound on.
I’m not best pleased with the last few weeks, what with flu and then catching up like a mad woman. I’ve reached today running on empty, relieved to finally stop and have a break. I’m hoping to get some serious writing done after Chistmas before I go mad. I’ve only written one short story in the last two months (ack!) and you can read it here if you like. Before I officially relax though, I had to come here. Something happened the night before last that I’m dying to tell you about.
I went to a Christmas party.
So what? Millions of people all over the world are doing that at the moment. Why write about that like it’s something extraordinary?
Well for me it was. It was held at a neighbour’s house, and since moving here over two years ago, it was the first time I have had the courage to tidy myself up and actually physically go and socialise properly with my neighbours.
And I have to say, I am so proud of myself!
Not only did I go there, I actually talked to people! I sat in a room with acquaintances that I have only waved at and ran away from for years, and held conversations and felt comfortable, and happy and oh so relieved! This miasmic hell of postnatal depression seems to be finally lifting.
Six months ago, I wouldn’t have gone (and not because six months ago a Christmas party would have been too weird). I have hidden away from several events held in our little circle of houses, terrified of something unnamed and unreal. But you know what?
People are really very nice.
Oh I know there are lots of really horrible people out there, hell, don’t enough of them turn up in my books and short stories? But where I live, in a sleepy corner of Somerset, the people are really very nice indeed.
Over the past year I have slowly come back to life. I wanted to thank each and every single one of you for helping to put me back together again. Your support, your words, your cheering, your encouragement and the sheer belief you have had in me have been a thousand hands gently rubbing in a healing salve.
So I say merry Christmas to you all. Merry Christmas you wonderful people, patient readers and beautiful friends.
Merry Christmas xxxx
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Depression is a bugger, to be blunt. Been there and I’d rather not revisit so my thoughts are with you and I am so pleased you are coming through it. Keep going. That light will keep getting brighter, little by little and soon you’ll realise that the light is coming from you. Best. Nettie
So glad you are feeling more positive. I haven’t been to a Christmas party or any sort of party for more than 25 years so I do appreciate the momentous nature of what you have achieved.
I wonder if writers are more prone to being a bit hermity? But PND is a nasty old thing to shift and I am really pleased you are well on the mend. Have a lovely Christmas and may it continue to be a year of new beginnings for you.
Oh Emma, that’s the loveliest Christmas message I’ve read! So glad the depression is lifting.
Have a wonderful time and don’t forget to *look after yourself*
Much love x
Emma, I am so very happy for you. it will get easier and easier as time goes on. I, too, have been there many years ago. But, no one had a name for it then. As I look back, I can honestly say that it was the main reason for my divorce. I had three children within 4 1/2 yrs. and if it weren’t for them, and knowing they needed me, I wouldn’t be around today.
I wish you the best with your struggle and am glad that you were able to find a little Holiday spirit.
You are very welcome and we love you.
I’m terrified of talking to people in real life and am much more sociable online, so I know how proud of yourself you must be feeling. Good work! Baby steps, eh?
That’s a huge step! Depression is such a lonely, fearful place; I’m glad you had a good time!
Merry Christmas and best wishes for a Happy New Year 2010,
Tony
Thanks, that is the sweetest Christmas message ever! A very merry Christmas to you too! You inspire me!
Merry Christmas Emma! Glad to hear it’s lifting. It’s a terribly dark thing to go through. Stay well.
Party time! Excellent!
Good for you! Have a great holiday!
I completely understand where you are coming from. You’ve taken a great step. I think many writers struggle with depression/introverted behavior. Always believe in yourself.
Way to go, Em! Well done on the party – wonderful that you went, and wonderful that you enjoyed it, and wonderful that you found some good people there. And totally wonderful that the depression is lifting …
Thank you for all your writing (and the terrific podcasts) over the past year! Have a very happy New Year (I would have said Merry Christmas, but I missed your post on the 23rd and we’re past that now) and here’s hoping that all your ventures go from strength to strength in 2010
I recently came accross your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I dont know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.
Lucy
http://maternitymotherhood.net