So, I have another confession to make.
I’ve been hiding. Hiding behind flash fiction mainly, but I’m aware that it’s been at least two weeks since I wrote a post that wasn’t mostly fiction.
I’m a little bit stuck, then I had an epiphany that I should probably write to you guys about it, then I would be able to move past it. It isn’t like I haven’t had any topic ideas, I’ve had enough blog post ideas to fill this little corner of the blogosphere beyond Christmas.
It’s just that none of those ideas have felt right.
I think the underlying problem is rooted in this blog’s identity transition. This is outrageous blog navel gazing I warn you, but please bear with me for a few minutes more.
When I started this blog, it was only for me. It was a place to rant out my frustrations, a place to chronicle my quest to be published and somewhere to put all the stuff I was learning about how to self-publish.
Then people started to read and comment, and it felt wonderful. It changed; this blog transformed from a virtual emotional waste bin / resources and sympathy for struggling writers to a space where I could hang out with wonderful people who really didn’t mind me being grumpy, or low, or full of the joys of everything.
I felt I could be myself, in public, for the first time.
Then I got a publisher and since that point, I’ve felt uncertain about what to write about. I’m not raging against the system anymore, I’ve found a wonderful small press who want to take a chance on me, and that’s changed everything. There’s no frustration, no ranting to be had. I guess a little contentment has stolen some of the fuel for this blog. The blessed Friday Flash has been a welcome stop gap whilst I’ve quietly fretted in the background.
I’ve considered describing my writing process. But then I think “Who the hell would care how I write? And heavens knows there are a million other people talking about the writing process.”
I’ve considered writing about NaNoWriMo and why I am doing it for the first time this year, but there are so many people writing about NaNo that it seems needless to do so. Why would anyone care about why I am doing it?
I’ve thought about talking about my query letter, as a follow up to a post I did in the past, but that just seems… well I don’t know, misleading. I don’t want to seem like I am putting it up to 'show everyone how it's done'; I simply don’t feel qualified to have others taking advice from me like that.
I’ve even thought about giving tips about writing, but immediately wanted to go and shoot myself. Who on earth am I to write about that?! The world doesn’t need another writer telling people how to be productive, there are already many others doing that better than I would.
I am not a guru, and I don’t want to pretend to be one either.
So you see my dilemma. It’s so frustrating, just as I get my business site finished and the blog started over there, I run into difficulties over here. Maybe I only have enough of a heart for one blog at a time? No, that’s rubbish, I’ve been writing another one for weeks and it hasn’t been a problem.
So, all I can think to do is ask you guys. Why do you come here? What do you want to read about?
Should I even be asking that question? Should I just write about other things that have been on my mind, things unconnected with writing and publishing, and risk boring the people who come here for things about writing? Things like living with anxiety, cool topics in psychology, recovery from post-natal depression and the trials of being a female geek in Somerset. Would you rather I just shut up and get on with the flash fiction? I don’t know.
The only thing I do know is that I love it here, and I don’t want to lose what we have. You are splendid people, I don’t want to squander the privilege of having you visit me. Can you help?
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I'd love to hear about the trials of being a female geek in Somerset! Mmm … seriously though, I think any of the above ("things like living with anxiety, cool topics in psychology, recovery from post-natal depression"), IF you want to write about them, would be interesting and well received.
Perhaps interspersed with fiction and writer-y stuff? I'm sure as-yet unpublished authors would love to hear about the publication process, for example.
Just a thought.
Oh – and please don't give up the flash fiction …
I'm sure there are a lot of writers writing about NaNoWriMo, but I don't have them in my feed. I have you in my feed. So if that's what's on your mind, I'd like to hear it. Don't forget, it's your perspective on the world I am interested in, not the topic itself. If I wanted that, I could go to Wikipedia or a formal blog.
Please don't make me go to Wiki, and don't get too formal over here at PAP
Seriously. You are a person, someone I have "met" and talked with for awhile now. If we were having lunch, what would you be excited about to get off your chest or share with me? What's going on over there, for you? Think of this as a break from the business side. Your lunch break.
You don't need to be anything but Emma. Emma, the writer in my RSS, that I enjoy reading and "knowing." I wish I could get to UK to actually know you but that's unlikely. So, just talk to us. That's my suggestion. How else can we share our very different selves at such a distance?
A few of your words resonated with me more than the rest.
"I am not a guru, and I don’t want to pretend to be one either."
"I simply don’t feel qualified"
My site is not a 'platform' site, it was initially intended to share and learn (and to practice blogging for the eventual platform site). It has changed a bit as I have learned more and it will continue to change whilst I do.
I'm not a guru but recently I have been able to help someone who is now where I once was. It shocked me just how much I had adsorbed over time without realising it. I feel I still have so very much more to learn and yet I now have something to give back.
I am struggling with a post on where an ultra long sentence can be used, why? Because I am not qualified to teach this wisdom, however, I will finish the post because it is too important to not pass it on. So I will keep my fingers crossed that I don't make an incredible fool of myself.
Maybe your query letter lesson has been posted better somewhere else but I haven't read that post and it is most likely that I know less about query letters than you do.
Last week I did a strange post about using a journal which really only had one bit of information in it "keep a journal handy" but I had some brilliant messages about it, other people really liked it – who am I? no one special.
Maybe if you blog about what seems important to you at the time, then we can all get wrapped up in your life/success/misery.
And that would be a wonderful gift to us from you.
Happy scribbling
Andy
I want you.
I want to hear you talking to me about writing, and missing the sea, and what it was like in London, and epiphanies, and feeling sad, and things being amazing, and things you've found in webland, and anything you want to tell us.
I want to hear you.
I've felt so much of what you're saying it felt like I was reading an echo.
I agree with Joanna entirely. Be you without armor and it will be beautiful.
I am just a lurker here, but I love to read your posts. My advice echoes Joanna's. I say to write about whatever makes you passionate or moves you that day, whatever you're thinking about and feeling and dealing with. I read the blogs I do because of the blog writers, because even if I haven't met them, they are real people to me and I care about them. I try to do the same on my blog. I tried to offer valuable content years ago when I was a life coach and decided that I wasn't good at it; what I am good at is just being me. Some will stay, many will go, but it will work out with my Right People as my internet community! Blessings, Olivia
I reckon two things.
First, that unless you're hell bent on making a fortune from blogging, it really doesn't matter if you post once a day or once a month. Just make sure you're honest with your readers and they'll be fine about it.
Second, and it's kind of the same point, if things aren't coming to you, or you don't have the time at the moment, don't worry about it and don't post. It just makes it all the more excitin' when you do post again!
I'm with Joanna on this. I read your blog because you write it more than for what you write about. When I read, I “hear” you without actually seeing you; I hear your voice, your spirit, and your sense of place. I relish your belonging in my world.
This is probably not very helpful from the standpoint of subject matter, but you asked… I'm also not your “normal” reader Emma, for your blog is the extra place I find you when I realize I am missing you on Joyful Jubilant Learning (something you already know and understand, I'm sure), or with #FridayFlash – which I have been absent from since you started!
I bet most 'casual' bloggers (those of us for whom blogging is not directly tied to our income) have crests of activity followed by troughs of scratching about for motivation and inspiration. But I don't suppose that's what is bothering you, my friend.
At the risk of of sounding pompous (funny how often I take that risk) I think the main reason you're having trouble with your blog just now is this; it has served its purpose – possibly a purpose that was never intended.
When you first reached out to the world it seemed you were thinking seriously about self-publishing your work and looking for a bit of moral support. What you got was people telling you you're a good writer and an interesting person and that maybe you should hold out for that book deal after all. As the months went by, your friendly, outgoing nature, not to mention your painful honesty about your feelings, drew crowds of people to your blog. Your confidence grew. You started showing us more of yourself and began showing the world more of your work. You got onto Twitter and drew crowds there too. People noticed you. A publisher noticed you. You got that deal!
You had wanted people to say, "Yeah, if the publishing world can't see how good you are, to hell with them and publish it yourself!" Instead, everyone, including the publishing world, did see how good you are. And now you're left with this remnant of your old, frustrated and uncertain self and you don't know what to do with it. Maybe it even has unpleasant associations for you now.
However, you need to get past that. As Caroline and Diana have already said, we come here because we like reading what you write. To a large extent, it doesn't matter what you write about. My advice (worth every penny you've paid for it) is to focus elsewhere for a while. I don't mind if you only post once a month or once a year for that matter. I think that you will eventually find other uses for this blog, 'repurpose' it (as you Internet types say) and come back to it.
I second everyone else: We continue to come back because we like YOU. The reason we like you is because you are open, honest and nice. The free cool fiction is just a sweet bonus.
I'm new to your blog, being part of #fridayflash. I can't help you, but I understand your dilemma. Congrats on finding a publisher! I only have enough in me to post the fridayflash on my blog for now. You should post whatever comes to mind, just as before.
Jeez, just write about what you want to write about. I blog about writing techniques, yet I've never used half of them. I blog about style and whatnot, yet mine is fairly poor. Who cares? I do it to learn about the things I blog about. Sometimes I post something great and people are like "ho-hum, whatevs" and sometimes I post crap and get dozens of comments. Either post or get off the pot as it were. I just sit down with a Latte every Monday and Friday and type off something, because it's how I attract potential readers.
Just blog whatever comes to mind, and you'll find some kind of purpose for all of this.
Further to the comments above, I wouldn't worry too much about having a quiet patch between now and when your book is published… Thinking of the other published writers I know, none of them floated off on a little fluffy cloud to live in paradise after that. The world of published writing turns out to be just as frustrating and complex as the world of the unpublished author. And I look forward to your commentary as you explore and tame it!
Emma,
I am with Joanna and Rosa. I don't very much care what others are writing about NaNoWriMo, but I very much want to hear you. And yes, I would like to read your writing tips, or whatever you want to write about!
I'm fairly new here, and I warned you that I can't visit often (with my new Publishing business and all), but there are two things that struck me about your blog (and I resonate with Iain's point in particular). Firstly, unless you want to be a core-bloggist, then don't fret about it – just blog when you feel you need to. Since you write prolifically, the issue of "moments of silence" are, in fact, a non-issue.
Secondly, I think it is rather quaint that you blog about lack of blog motivation, when in fact you encapsulated your concern in a blog. Ironic, heh? I think there is a lesson in your very action.
Just be you, and do what you want to do, when you are ready to do it!
Gerry
Em, I would so love to hear about your writing process – what exactly it is that *does* it for you, writing-wise. I'm trying to discover what it is that works for me, so please consider sharing how you do things.
Also, what inspires you with ideas. English language was my favourite subject at school (so, so long ago now), and the only one I was really quite good at.
*struggles to fit head through kitchen door on way to kettle*
You see, I used to be able to take an essay title, spin it and crank out an interesting (so I was told at the time!), unusual and absorbing story without breaking step. Then I left school and started work. And lost the ability. Totally.
Fast forward a good few years and here I am, trying to re-learn what I used to be able to do without even thinking about it, and it's hard, so much harder than I thought it would ever be, so hard in fact that I could almost cry sometimes. So please, do share, I'd love to know what works for you and how you organise your writing day.
Congrats on getting published. I'm new to your blog, but I certainly identified with it. Keep writing this post, please. And remember there will always be struggling writers like me who are way behind you.
And, when you get published you can't complain anymore? Who says? What use, life? One can always complain about the churlish dolt who cut you off in traffic and then left his blinker flashing, surely.
I hope to read more from you.
Wow. I am humbled, and thrilled and my toes are wriggling with the sheer happiness of having such fabulous people to straighten me out when I get all confused.
Thank you. Normal service will be resumed shortly
Emma:
This was the first post that I've read of yours (or of anyone's, really), and I have to say — it was entirely what I needed. Thank you for your confession, and for speaking with honesty and humility.
"Things like living with anxiety, cool topics in psychology, recovery from post-natal depression and the trials of being a female geek in Somerset. "
ALL OF THESE THINGS SOUND ACE. Please do write about these & anything else that springs into that extremely interesting brain of yours.
Saying that, you write so beautifully that I'd probably turn up for your shopping list.
Lots more bloggy words please, and about anything you fancy!
I am here because I like your voice. I honestly don't care what you write about. I had the same reaction as Diana and others. Oh, are a ton of people writing about NaNoWriMo? Because I am not hearing anything from any of them. I think I even know several people who are doing it, who even have blogs, and nope, nary a drop of that particular flavor of juice has come into my RSS feed. Any and all of the potential topics you mention sound interesting to me. Whatever you'd like to share would be quite lovely, thank you.